You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
