K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
