In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's the barista slut.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
