i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
