Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
