1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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