I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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