I wanna bring you to show and tell
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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