I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have aggressive nipples.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
