bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
