Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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