I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
