Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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