so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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