I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
