my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
