god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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