He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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