he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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