We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
