So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I want to fling myself into the sun
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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