I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
