i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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