i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wear drunk well.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
