I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
