Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
