If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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