U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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