11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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