i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
