Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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