Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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