i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i drank out of a bidet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
