If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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