Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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