Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do herpes really smell.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
