we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this will be a night to untag.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
