it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.