Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me