I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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