By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right