I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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