I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
soo... how was my night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
