I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
