I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Can i not drive my cunt home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
