remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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