Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
