Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
