Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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