New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He passed out mid-signature
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
