I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
