I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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