I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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