Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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