Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
