Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
