He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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