Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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