Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
