so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
