this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
