And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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