my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
