I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
