Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
