my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
