Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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