He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
