I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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