I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
