4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
