party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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