I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
