Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
