she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
