I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
