new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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