I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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