hotel room ftw
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
