Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
