You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They took my balls.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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