I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
