Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
