Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
