I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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