I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
