Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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